Pineapples
by Tart Sumpter
Summary: NxWCMI crossover. AU Naruto has left to train, Kakashi pays her no heed, and Sasuke's gone. So who's going to be Sakura's new team for the chunin exams? Why, a Mad Hatter and a curious little girl...SasuSaku ReginaldAlice
1. The Hatter and the Kunoichi

INTRODUCTION: THE HATTER AND THE KUNOICHI

"Oh, Sakura, _do _hurry! We'll be late for the exams!"

"C-Coming, Alice!" A pink-haired kunoichi struggled with the zipper of her skirt, groaning in frustration, "Dangit! It...won't...CLOSE!!!"

A blue-eyed girl with long blonde hair peeked her head through the doorway, "Sakura, do you need help?"

"No... it's fine... I'll... get it...SOMEHOW!" She tugged at the zipper with all her strength, her fingers accidentally slipping off at the last moment, causing her to hit herself in the face.

Alice giggled at her teammate's misfortune, "Well, that's _one _way to get dressed... you look wonderful, now would you _please _come along already?"

Grabbing her headband and quickly tying it on, she followed her out the door, "Okay, okay, already! I'm ready."

A boy with curly white hair scoffed, "_Girls_... why, this is just plain silly! How long does it take just to put on a skirt?"

Sakura leered at him, clearly irritated (mornings were _not _a good time to have to deal with mad hatters), "You wanna find out?!"

He fixed his abnormally large hat ontop of his head, "Why, no, thank you. Skirts are just not my thing. I'd much prefer a hat, like this one! Isn't it just _lovely_?"

Giving a small smile despite herself, the cherry blossom rolled her eyes, "Yes, Reginald, it is. Now let's hurry to the chunin exams before we're disqualified."

----

"Geez, nothing's changed after all." Upon noticing the familiar genjutsu placed on the second floor, Sakura frowned.

Alice huffed disapprovingly, "What a dirty little trick. Come along, then. We'd best move on to the next floor."

Reginald blinked stupidly, "But for what reason? Can't you see that we're on the right floor?" He gestured towards the group of chunin-wannabe's at a door down the hallway.

Sighing impatiently, Sakura disspelled the genjutsu with a soft, "_Kai_!"

What appeared to have been the third floor suddenly morphed into the second.

Chuckling nervously, the hat-adoring genin rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "Well! Would you look at that! We were actually on the second floor the whole time!"

The blonde placed her hands on her hips, "Yes - that's what we were just--!"

She was interrupted by the green-eyed boy rudely shoving her up the stairway, "Then what are you standing around here for?! Silly Alice, the third floor's _this _way!"

Sakura couldn't help but giggle at the hatter's antics. Meanwhile, Alice crossed her arms indignantly, "You, sir, are _impossibl_--!"

She tripped on the last step, bringing a flabbergasted Reginald down with her and accidentally ending up in a rather misleading position on top of her.

"_Oomph_! Alice, you clumsy littl--...!"

He paused, his oddly large, freckled nose a centimeter away from hers. Her wide, captivating azure eyes gazed dazedly into his own, and his hands were unconsciously placed on either side of her as their breaths melted into each other.

Time seemed to slow down... until...

Reginald shifted slightly, sniffing at her hair, "... you smell like pineapples..."

The incredibley awkward moment broken, she couldn't help but giggle hysterically at his random comment, ignoring the position the two were in...

"Are you two oka--?!" Sakura froze upon noting her teammates situation. Suddenly realizing what said situation seemed to be, the two sprung away from each as if they had been burned.

Fixing her bow, Alice chuckled suspiciously, "W-We're fine. Just a little fall..."

Sakura raised her eyebrows, '_Riight..._' "...Whatever... let's just go sign in..."

The hatter and the blue-eyed kunoichi didn't speak to each other the rest of the way in.

---

"Sakura-chyan?!"

Her emerald orbs widening, said ninja whirled around, "Naruto?!"

The Kyuubi-holder beamed brightly, promptly glomping the girl, "SAKURA-CHYAN! YOU'RE HERE, TOO?! YATTA! WE GET TO GO THROUGH THE CHUNIN EXAMS TOGETHER! IT'LL BE JUST LIKE OLD TIMES NOW THAT--?! What the--?!?!"

"It is not very polite to tackle a lady like that, sir!" Reginald reprimanded, ripping Sakura away from a "WTF?!"-faced Naruto's clutches.

Naruto promptly exploded, tugging back Sakura with equal force, "N-NANI?! WHO THE HECK ARE _YOU_?!"

Grunting, the hatter successfully succeeded [for lack of better words, due to the groggyness of my brain... in pulling the blossom away, wrapping his strong arms around her protectively, "Who am **I**?! _I_, you pitiful excuse for a gentleman, am Sakura's _teammate_! Thus, only _**I**_ am able to give her a warm, snuggly bear hug, _thank you very much_!"

Snorting [rather unladylike, and hopelessly attempting to force down the annoying twinge of jealousy tickling her nerves, Alice sternly chastised the hatter, "Now, Mr. Hatter! That is _not _a way to treat a fellow ninja." She curtsied at a bewildered Naruto, "My name is Alice Liddell. Please to meet you! Oh, and ignore the man in the ridiculous orange coat - he's rather _mad_."

She chose to ignore said tea-lover's angered cries of "Who are you talking to?! I'm not the one wearing an orange jumpsuit!" in the background

Blushing slightly, the blonde-haired boy giggled sheepishly, "Uh, hi--WAIT JUST A DARN MINUTE! _You're _her teammate?! Where'd you get a crazy idea like that? Sakura-chan's on MY team - Team 7 - with that teme and--!"

"Hn, dobe. Not so loud." Sakura gasped at the sound of a low, heart-breakingly familiar voice, blood pumping at a dangerous speed, '_Sasuke-kun...?!_' "I just got back into Konoha - I don't want to be dragged out so soon."

"Sasuke... you're... back?"

He stared back at her blankly, "Hn. Sakura..." His eyes trailed downwards slowly before he sharply turned his head away from her, "... Hn."

Alice giggled, '_He was _so _checking her out...'_

Thinking Alice had been giggling because she thought the Uchiha prodigy was handsome, Reg stepped forward, jealousy clear in his tone, "A-hem! Good day, sir. My name is Reginald Leopold Theophilus the Third, hatter extraordinaire, fully-fledged ninja, owner of an eight-pack, and esteemed tea maker in all the villages!"

Both Sasuke and Naruto's eyebrows twitched, '_What is _with _this guy?!'_

Sakura mentally slapped herself in the forehead, '_Great way to introduce yourself, _**baka**

Chuckling nervously, Alice bumped Reginald out of the way to curtsie at the raven-haired genin with a broad grin, "Ignore him! So, how exactly do you know Sakura? Old friend, teammate, _lover_, by any chance?"

This time Sakura literally slapped herself in the forehead, growling under her breath, "Alice, you idiot..."

Sasuke frowned, notabley annoyed with the strange girl's question, "..._Teammate_."

The blonde's face fell slightly, "...Oh... nevermind, then."

Swiftly changing the subject, Sakura spoke up, "SO, who is your third teammate?"

Before Naruto could even open his mouth, a green and black blur zipped into the scene.

"It is I, Rock Lee, Hidden Leaf's Youthful Lotus!"

Alice and Reginald wore the perfect definition of a "WTF?!" face.

The Mad Hatter sputtered out, "Dear _God_, sir! Have you no SHAME?!"

Alice awkwardly looked away when she noticed how _very tight_ the strange ninja's outfit really was...

Sakura sighed, rubbing her rather broad forehead, '_Just when you think it can't get any _worse"Hello, Lee-san."

"Sakura-san!" Lee's dark orbs lit up at the sight of his longtime crush, "And who are your new teammates?"

Alice, still staring to the right of her, politely curtsied, "Err... my name is Alice Liddell. How _pleasant _it is to meet you..."

Reginald grinned mischieviously down at the sickened girl, "Why, Alice! How very rude of you not to look at the gentleman you are bowing to! Distracted by a white rabbit?"

Narrowing her eyes, she retorted sharply, "How very rude it is of _you _not to state your name after Mr. Lee has politely stated his."

Clearing his throat dramatically, Reginald offered his gloved hand, back straightened, "Good day, Mr. Lee! My name is Reginald Leopold Theophilus the Third. What an absolute pleasure it is to meet you."

Snorting softly, Alice childishly stuck her tongue out at Reggie before crossing her arms and turning away.

"... I saw that, _Miss Liddell_."

She blinked at him demurely, "Saw what?"

"Alright, _children_," they huffed indignantly, "we'd better get going. See you in the exams, Lee-san, Naruto, Sasuke!"

"Good luck, Sakura-san!"

"Bye, Sakura-chyan! We should get ramen later!"

"...Hn."

---

Hopefully coming soon:

Next chapter of Door to Darkness and Pineapples

Reviews motivate me. Pwetty pwease?


	2. Cue the Insanity

"How anticlimatic!" Reginald whined, trudging out of the classroom the first exam had been given in. "They give us these ridiculous questions (why does a chunin need to know how many trees are left on a training ground after being demolished by a three meter fire jutsu?), make me spill hot tea all over my fashionably orange jacket-" he gestured toward the stained tail of said item in an overly-dramatic fashion, "-because they scared us over nothing about answering a question correctly they never even asked, then sent us away with the instruction of 'meet at the oh-so-alarming, cheesily-named Forest of Death' tomorrow at six in the morning." He glared at his pink-haired teammate, "What is WRONG with your village?"

She frowned, hand on her hip, "MY village? You're blaming ME for you not knowing what thirty divided by three is?"

He huffed, indignant, "The only numbers I choose to recognize the existence of are ten, six, and one point sixty-six repeating!"

Before Sakura could pummel the madman into the tiled floor, Alice broke into the conversation, "So, Sakura, why don't you invite your old teammates to our tea party tonight?" At the expression she received that clearly asked "Are you crazy?", she quickly added, "Well, I realize our tea parties never turn out to be... sane, to put it nicely, but I'll make Reginald behave." She smiled, "It'd be nice, wouldn't it, though? I mean to say, you're friends have only recently returned to your village - especially that handsome Sasuke fellow..." She trailed off, hoping to get a reaction from her.

The reaction she received wasn't what she'd expected, "Alice, trust me when I tell you Sasuke would be the worst boyfriend ever. You'd have a better chance with Ferdinand, who we all know will never quit serenading Snow White at one in the morning."

Alice's brows furrowed, "I never said that I liked him! In fact, all I think about when I see him is poultry, the way his hair is styled. Besides," her voice lowered in volume, "I like someone else." Shaking her head, she brought the conversation back to its former topic, "In any case, I'd like to get to know them. They seem quite nice."

Sakura rubbed her (supposedly large) forehead, "Look, Alice, I'd love to. Really. But it's not like they'd actually come. Naruto: maybe if you cooked ramen. Sasuke: too busy training."

The blonde sighed, "Well, would you at least ask them for me? Please?"

She pursed her lips, reluctant, "... fine, but if Reginald starts talking to his imaginary squirrel again, I'll be the first to leave."

She clapped her hands, "Wonderful! I'll go talk to him right away!"

The curious girl skipped off, and Sakura all but dragged herself to her former teammates. Luckily, Lee had already disappeared; she could only deal with so many hyperactive boys at a time.

Naruto, as expected, beamed at her as soon as he noticed her, "Hey, Sakura-chan! Pretty easy exam, huh?"

Avoiding Sasuke's gaze, she offered a smile, "Yeah. Um... my team was wondering... we usually have a tea party on Friday nights. Would you two like to join us? Alice makes pretty good ramen."

"Ramen?" Naruto's eyes lit up, "When? Where? What flavor?!"

She rolled her eyes at his obsessiveness, resisting the urge to smile, "Six o'clock, Reginald's house, and probably miso."

The whiskered boy pumped his fist into the air, "We'll be there!"

Sasuke looked less enthusiastic, "... Whatever."

Sakura nodded, ignoring Sasuke's usual thundercloud, "Okay! I'll see you there!"

When she was out of earshot, she groaned, 'This is going to be a disaster. I'm going to need a bottle of Shishou's sake.'

' '

Sakura flung the gate to the garden open, shuffled over to the table, and collapsed into her favorite tall, red armchair. Placing a bottle of sake on the structure in front of her, she buried her face in her hand.

"Oh, come now, Sakura!" Alice scolded. The pinkette didn't even have to look up to know her arms were crossed and her lips were pouting, "Everything is going to be perfectly fine."

"No, it's not!" A furious Reginald marched over to snatch the bottle of sake from the table.

Sakura ripped her head up to glare menacingly at the hatter, "HEY!"

The large-nosed genin simply matched her facial expression with one just as deadly, "THIS. Is a TEA PARTY! Not a SAKE PARTY!" He pointed an accusing finger at the bottle in his other hand, "THIS... thingy! is like having a funeral at someone's baby shower! I cannot allow this bumbleflea to taint my fabulous party!"

Reginald tossed the object over his shoulder. A loud crash was heard, followed by a pained howl. Sakura jumped up with a gasp, "Sorry, Lee-san!" Alice merely facepalmed.

"I am fine, my beautiful sparkly princess! I... nnngh..." A faint thud was heard.

Alice sighed, "Oh, poor Lee-san..."

Reginald huffed, "Who cares about some tiny injury when the TEA is on the line!"

"TEA?!" If looks could kill, Sakura would be guilty of murder, "WHAT ABOUT MY SAKE?"

"Um... I think he's bleeding. Excuse me," Alice slipped out the gate to tend to Lee's bleeding scalp, dodging the electricity flaring as Reginald and Sakura glared at each other.

Cracking her knuckles, the pink-haired medic-nin scowled, "Tea or no tea, if you make this evening ANY more unbearable for me I swear your hat will never see the light of day again!"

Clutching his hat protectively, Reginald's nose wrinkled, "Leave Reginald the Fourth out of this!" Placing his hands on his hips, he stuck his chin in the air, "Fine, no exploding cakes. I DO insist on having our traditional recitation of 'Ode to a Lonely Tea Cup,' nonetheless."

Before Sakura could object, Alice's cheerful voice drifted into the tea party garden, "Oh, Sakura! Our guests are here!"

The pinkette dragged the madman into the seat beside her, "Here we go..."


	3. The Mad Tea Party

"SAKURA-CHAN!" Naruto barged through the gate, grinning from ear-to-ear.

It was at that moment Sakura knew she was going to have a brain-splitting headache the next morning.

She forced a smile, "Hey, Naruto! Glad you could make it."

Sasuke wordlessly followed the blond into the garden, and (much like Sakura had) slumped into a chair across from Sakura. Naruto plopped down into the chair on Sakura's unoccupied side, giving Reginald a suspicious glance.

An awkward silence fell over the table. Alice clapped her hands together, "Well, then! I'll go check on the ramen!"

When she all but darted into the house, Sakura tried to burn a hole in the door with her eyes, 'Oh, sure. Leave when it gets awkward. This was HER idea!'

"... Sakura-chan? Are you okay?" Naruto's slightly nervous voice brought her back to reality.

"I'm fine! So, how has your training with Jiraiya been?" The pinkette inquired, kicking Reginald's shins under the table when he started to perform his odd tradition of pouring his tea into his sleeve and causing him to spill it on his arm ("OW! HOT!").

"Great! Dattebayo! Ero-sennin has been teaching me a bunch of new jutsus that will help me become Hokage someday!" He was bouncing in his seat, reminding Sakura of a hyperactive three year-old.

'Some things never change.' She giggled, 'I'm glad, though.'

Sasuke muttered quietly with a scoff, "Dobe."

'Or maybe not.' She frowned, irritated with the arrogant prodigy's insult to her best friend, "Sasuke, what jutsus have you learned recently?"

The question seemed to catch him off guard, as his usually stoic demeanor faltered for a second, "Hn. I..." He paused, "... can summon snakes."

Naruto scoffed, "HAH! Well, I can summon a giant toad!"

Sakura smirked, "And I can summon a giant slug."

Reginald joined in, "I can summon an invisible manatee."

Everyone stared. He blinked, oblivious, "What? Just because I've never seen it doesn't mean it isn't there..."

Sakura facepalmed. Naruto squinted his eyes at Reginald, speculating, "Where exactly did you come from?"

He idly stirred his tea with his gloved finger, "The Village Hidden in Kousouryoku. It was invaded and destroyed by Sound, so some of us moved here."

Sakura and Naruto sent Sasuke raised eyebrows. He sighed, "I never took part in any village invasions. Too busy training."

They relaxed slightly, letting out breaths of relief. Alice chose that moment to walk out with several bowls of ramen, placing them in front of each guest carefully.

"They're a little hot, I hope you don't mind." She smiled, settling herself down into her seat across from Reginald and gently smoothing out her skirts.

Naruto looked like a little kid at Christmas, "YOSH! Thanks, Alice-san!" He promptly dug in.

Murmurring their prayers of thanks, everyone else began to eat their food in a bit more civilized manner (yes, even Reginald).

"So, tell me about your team," Alice suggested, "What kind of missions did you three go on?"

Naruto swallowed the large gulp of ramen he had inhaled before blurting out, "Oh! There was our first mission out of the village! When we defeated Zabuza and Haku!" He smirked, "I had to save Teme's butt, of course!"

Sakura shifted in her seat, studying her ramen silently. She could feel someone staring at her intently, but when she looked up at the suspect, his raven eyes had drifted to the opposite side. Shrugging it off as her imagination, she distracted herself by adding more sugar to her tea.

"... Snow Country." Naruto and Sakura's heads shot up to gape at Sasuke, who added, "The mission at the Snow Country."

The blond-haired Kyuubi wielder grinned, "Oh yeah! We escorted a movie star to her home country, where we found out she was the princess!"

"A princess?" Alice looked intrigued, "How exciting! And she was a movie star, too?"

As Naruto rambled on about the mission and how he had defeated the bad guy, Reginald had been building a small fort out of empty teacups in his boredom. Amused, Sakura leaned over to watch as he tied a strip of napkin to the topmost cup's ring as a flag. He smirked, proud of his accomplishment, then shrieked when one of Naruto's wild gestures caused the table to shake and the fort to collapse.

The pinkette couldn't help but giggle as Reginald's lip pouted in a dramatic, childike manner. She gingerly placed the cups back in their previous formation, causing the madman to beam at her and clap his hands giddily. Sasuke, watching from across the table, scowled, and "accidentally" nudged into the table, causing the fort to, once again, fall down.

Appalled, Sakura shot the Uchiha a frown of disapproval, to which he turned his head and shrugged, "... it slipped."

Reginald placed his chin in his hand, making a face at Sasuke, "So, Sass-ay-"

"Sasuke."

"-whatever. Why, exactly, did YOU leave the village? Did they run out of hair gel here?"

If looks could kill, Reginald would be six feet under courtesy of Sasuke Uchiha. Naruto choked back an astonished laugh, and Sakura hid her smile in her hand despite the awkwardness of the topic. Alice narrowed her blue eyes at the hatter, "At least his hair isn't prematurely white."

Reginald's dirty look refocused on Alice, "ExCUSE me? I'm not the only one! It's a normal condition for first class hatters like myself! Having your hair shaped like a chicken's behind is NOT a normal condition!"

Naruto had nearly fallen out of his chair snickering at the comparison. Alice twitched, "Neither is your nose being the size of a pear."

His jaw plunged, hanging silently for a moment before he huffed and crossed his arms, "... I have allergies."

Sakura massaged her temples; this wasn't turning out like the civilized dinner conversation she had dared to hope it would be. "Why don't we-"

"Allergies?" Alice scoffed, not impressed with Reginald's excuses, "Allergic to what - sanity?"

"NO!" Reginald threw back, then added rather quietly, "... Birthdays."

Naruto whispered in Sakura's ear, "Your teammate is crazy."

Her Inner agreed wholeheartedly. Ignoring the statement, Sakura attempted to stop the growing argument, "SO, how is Peter-san doing? Have you heard any word from him recently?"

The atmosphere changed drastically as Alice folded her hands in her lap, somber, "Not recently. We assume he should have found Wendy's location, at least."

Naruto's confusion was evident, "Eh? Who? What?"

Sakura explained, "Their teammate is on a mission looking for a kunoichi lost in their village's destruction. We suspect she was kidnapped by enemy shinobi."

"That's why you're on their team, then. They're one genin short." Sasuke concluded aloud.

The pinkette nodded in affirmation. Alice spoke up, "That, and she's a valuable asset to our team. Since she's been training under the Hokage-sama, she has superhuman strength and is on her way to surpassing her as a medical ninja."

Something akin to surprise flickered in Sasuke's eyes, at which Alice smirked, satisfied. She had appointed herself as Sakura's matchmaker, and would not stop until Sasuke finally made his move.

Sakura, on the other hand, was less than pleased with the attention, "Alice..."

"Really, Sakura-chan? That's so cool! Dattebayo!" Naruto cheered his friend on, proud. Sasuke remained silent as ever.

Blushing, Sakura lowered her gaze. For the first time she could remember, Reginald's insanity came to her rescue as he suddenly blurted out, "Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

Everyone stared. Naruto scrunched up his face in confusion, "Uhh... what?"

"What what?" Reginald seemed equally puzzled.

Everyone sweatdropped. Naruto specified, "What about a writing desk?"

"I'm sorry?" Reginald was oblivious.

"You just said-"

"Don't even bother, Naruto-san. You'll only encourage him," Alice sighed, somewhat irritated at Reginald from interrupting her plans. "Anyway-"

"Oh! Look at the time," Sakura glanced down at her bare wrist, standing up, "We should get some rest if we want to be fully aware for the exam tomorrow."

The hatter frowned, "We haven't had our traditional recitation of 'Ode to a Lonely Tea Cup.'"

That was all Sasuke needed to get off of his chair as well, already making a beeline towards the gate. Alice cleared her throat, "Well, then, it was very nice to visit with you all. I do wish we could have had more time to get to know each other."

"I'm sure we've learned enough," Sakura deadpanned, "You'd better catch up with Sasuke, Naruto. I'll see you tomorrow."

Naruto stared solemnly down at his unfinished ramen bowl, "Goodnight, sweet ramen. May you never go cold and stale."

Watching her guests leave, Alice wondered if insanity had a tendency to cling onto anything orange.


End file.
